Warlords
Ageing gangsters, Mafia bosses, or leaders of warring factions of the elderly population. Two old men, one at each end of a long bar. They ignore each other, pretend the other doesn't exist, a bizarre and pointless rivalry. I witness this daily, the contrast between these two rogues is intriguing.
At one end of the bar the gentleman sits upright. With his huge forehead and high hair he looks like a cross between Beavis and a toothbrush. His skin is taught, doll-like, and his mannerisms stiff, like a mannequin. He drinks Peroni, always in a polo-neck, Italian heritage surely? People come, people go, all acknowledge him and stop to shake his hand. All apart from his opposite number.
The gentleman at the other end slouches, slumped in his chair like a giant reclining slug, a giant reclining slug in corduroys. He holds a paper close to his face, just inches away, turning a page every ten minutes or so, a slug reading at a slug's pace. No Peroni for this one, he drinks real ale. Makes sense, I guess, everyone knows slugs favour real ale.
Not once have I seen them acknowledge each other, exchange weather predictions, moan about the youth of today or even wave from their respective ends of the bar. Every so often they pass on route to and from the toilets (elderly bladders) yet even then they pretend the other does not exist.
Beavis and Slug, stoical to the extreme. But one day there'll be a gunfight and I intend to be here to witness it.
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Now wouldn't it be funny if one of the two of them were at home writing a blog post starring you and the other bloke! ;)
You had me at "a cross between Beavis and a toothbrush." Hysterical!
Oh, what imagery your present first thing (in my) morning! I can just see this little scenerio playing out with gunshots blazing... but then, maybe the "slug" is the Don's bodyguard, I thought; ergo, he would just sit there and pretend he didn't know him.
Be carefull not to get caught in the crossfire. Their aim may be a little shakey.
YOu could confirm this if you followed them into the loo.
Carry a video camera with you. We want to see it when it happens. (I'm rooting for Slug and I've no idea why.)
Yes, Beavis and a toothbrush was quite good.
I do hope you witness it. (And that of course no one gets hurt.) And that you tell us all about it. I can't tell what is more impressive - growing up to look like a like a cross between Beavis and a toothbrush or an reclining corduroy-clad slug. Are you headed for one or the other? :)
Excellent, Mo. I love how you create and build tension using imagery written with easy-on-the-eyes precision, and then you leave it there.
Perhaps they're having a contest, something akin to the opposite of a staring contest.
The toothbrush is an old gay tart, and the slug is his old lover from days gone by. They hate each other. They love each other. They'll continue drinking in the same place, seeing each other but pretending that they don't. Toothbrush always showing slug how popular he's remained. Slug always showing toothbrush that he couldn't be bothered, and doesn't care. Waiting for the other one to die so that they can mourn the death of their relationship properly.
old people with guns, about as scary as old people behind the wheel.
thanks for stopping by my wee blog.
Beavis and a toothbrush - LOL
old people with guns, about as scary as young people with guns
Maybe Peroni is the aged mafia boss and slug was his muscle and he's just keeping a low profile.
And then you can tell us what the fight was about!
Beavis and a toothbrush might top anything I read today. Clearly, a fan favorite.
I hate slugs, but a slug in cords I could handle. Can't wait to read about the upcoming gun fight (cuz I'm American, and we're violent like that). ;->
Italian Beavis:
Emmmm... Heh heh... Emmm... Che figato! Emmm...
Al fuoco! Al fuoco!
but it sure is fun to watch the stare right before the guns clear the holster...
You should go over to each one, while the other is in the toilet, and start something up by saying "You know what he said about you?"
Perhaps they are both pondering the moments of their youth before 'fish' was the priority in a particular restaurant? Life is cruel.
Well, maybe Beevis the Toothbrush has attempted to approach Slug, but Slug is having nothing to do with it because, you know, Slugs are loners like that.
Doug and Dinsdale Piranha had a falling out, AND fell on hard times...the estranged brothers return to the pub of their youth, desperate to reconnect and nail some 'eads to the floor...ah, good times...
Brothers. Waiting for popa Pitaducci (The Pit Bull), the Don of the entire British Isles for the past 73 years. Waiting for him to declare his successor. Cleverly "pitting" brother against brother all these years, the Pit Bull lies on his death bed basking in the knowledge that even here, his idiot sons, Beaviso and Sluggogio are under his control, and as usual haven't an inkling of the forces around them. Little do they know that il Pit has already chosen the new Don. And even though the two brothers are destined to bring the honor matter to a bloody head, in the loo, the Don has gone against tradition and chosen as his successor, his loyal Nephew, mo Mad Dog. Woe be unto the surviving brother that crosses the Mad Dog.
i'm guessing that perhaps, way back when, they did have an exchange that clearly did not go well b/c perhaps that "exchange' involved one of their wives.
You obviously drink in better bars than I do. Or at least full of more interesting people. Maybe the polo neck is hiding a scar of a failed garroting. Or just bad dress sense.
A gun fight??? Really? And what do you think they'll fight over? The last corn chip?
I'm envisioning a very slow motion, teeth being set on the bar type of fight.
:)
Can you take pictures of that gun fight?
It cracks me up that they don't ever talk to each other. If it had been two women, they would be talking all the time.
They're probably brothers.
I tried drinking Peroni from a polo-neck once and it all ran out through the holes.
I've since returned to the more traditional glass, or in urgent situations, straight from the ole' bottle.
Clearly they are brothers, right? And Mom and Dad always liked Beavis best, and the slug hates him for it?
It's because Beavis refuses to tell Slug the name of his Botox doctor.
Well hell. The dude with the Peroni could be my father in law.
Shhhh
I do believe I'd be traumatized if I witnessed a gunfight. But, if you must be there, at least have a camera. Some of your readers might be interested.
I think I'd like to just follow you around all day.
Step in between when it happens, and make sure you get photos, you lily-livered fence-sitter, you.....
Picture it: Sicily, 1957.
Two brothers who shared a love for their mothers Caponata recipe.
They decided to make it rich by opening their own restaurant, based on the secret family recipe.
Now it's your turn.
This reminds me of this poem I have always loved...
I knew two old men who bickered every possible thing that came up in conversation. They called each other names, shook their fists. Yet no one wept more than the one left behind and the other's funeral.
So MD, exactly where is it in this saloon that you sit everyday? You had better pay close attention and keep your back to the wall for you never know when the warlords will turn their fury, or is that phlem, not on each other, but on you, the evesdropper in the corner. It will begin with something like, "What the fuck are you looking at?"
You have a vibrant talent for visuals.
Can't wait for them to rumble!
Well, this just makes me wonder what the real story is between these two. What about it, Mo? You gonna get the low-down for us? Inquiring across-the-ponders want to know!
Maybe they are jilted lovers...
I'm wondering if there's a Christopher Walken style blank stare in the Beavis guy's armoury. If he has that, he may not need a gun.
When the gunfight occurs, my money is on the slug.
Daily? You're in this bar daily?
"A cross between Beavis and a toothbrush" - I want you to know I choked on my bottled water when I read that and very nearly shot water out my nose. It hurt. Damn you. I'll be speaking with my lawyer about this first thing in the morning.
*sniff*
Ever watch Cheers?? You just described Frasier and Norm! LMAO!!
Now I fear that people are calling me a toothbrush with my big forehead and big hair!!! hmmmmm
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