The Delinquent Pigeon
The surroundings are picturesque, Yorkshire stone is always pretty. Stark at times, but the yellow weathered brick is homely, Novocaine for the soul, lovely when contrasted with the clouded sky. The memorial is tall, rigid, proud and honouring. A crescent bends away from it. Graceful, elegant, pleasing to the eye. Bollards and lampposts frame the scene perfectly. Black, functional, doing what they do in quiet, inanimate perfection.
Scuffling, pushing, pecking, crapping, a raucous cacophony. The plague of pigeons surround her. Hundreds of the scum. An old lady feeds them, going out of her way to be a nuisance, every town has one.
It could be worse I suppose. Imagine an alternative universe where a delinquent pigeon feeds scraps to a flock of old ladies. Now that would be terrifying.
Comments
You're right. That would be much worse!!!!! :-)
.-= Nej´s last blog ..Mostly Wordless Wednesday: Tools of the Trade =-.
Pigeons feeding gaggles of grannies? I can see it now, bowls upon sea of bowls of mushed delicacies. Pigeons flying about, clasping spoons inside their claws. Old ladies, stretching, straining their necks. While holding on to one another, moving in a; continuous, nerve racked, wave of motion. Spills will be had and hips will be displaced...the weeding out of the weak. Oh it's ugly,so ugly indeed.
I'm quite tickled to think of that alternate reality.
No matter how annoying or weird it is, your imagination can always maket it worse, can't it? Or mine for that matter -can you for instance imagine the other worst annoying animal - the fly - as big as big dog? How does THAT fit in the picture with pigeons feeding ladies?
Wow. I just read Mr Charleston's and came here, and? Now I'm feeling I need to color with some crayons to re-center myself into the un creepy.
WOW.
Your imagination wows me.
Oh, well, THANKS. Now I'm going to spend the rest of the day wondering what the hell you'd feed to a flock of little old ladies.
I'm still laughing at JenJen's comment: but Mo, I think she needs a drink. Or wait..is it me who needs a drink?
Wait, would the pigeon be just tugging food scraps to the old ladies, or would it be regurgi-feeding them?
It makes a difference.
A flock of little old ladies, all drunk & stupid on martinis, with their voices stuck in their throats like pigeons.
(I just made myself shiver)
get your mind out of the gutter, that's not what I meant
Pigeons are rats with wings, IMHO. Old ladies, however, are a menace.
Actually, I love how "homely" means drastically different things depending upon the side of the pond your on.
And for the people who feed the pigeons, don't you want to PUT ON GLOVES, strip them naked, roll them in honey, cover them in bird seed, and then set them loose in the flock? A modern "tar & feathering" if you will. I think society lost something with the concept of public shaming went out of style.
Old English ladies feeding pigeons in the square, now I'm seeing scenes from Mary Poppins.
I'm just another Disney brainwashed victim.
Terrifying indeed.
But if the old ladies didn't crap all over the place as pigeons do, I think it would be perhaps a small improvement.
From The Book Thief:
The sky was grey, the colour of Europe.
At least, that's what I first thought when I started to read this. Then I got an idea for zombie old ladies. Thanks.
Imagine an alternative universe where a delinquent pigeon feeds scraps to a flock of old ladies.
as long as the old ladies didn't crap all over the monument it might not be so bad
Maybe we should just feed the old lady TO the pigeons! That would end the whole debacle!
Now that is an incredible idea for a horror movie. Imagine the pigeon and the little old ladies. I shiver to think about it.
I was just rereading the children’s story Elidor, and your comments reminded me of these lines:
They sat on the bench behind the statue of Watt. The sculptor had given him a stern face, but the pigeons had made him look as though he was just very sick of Manchester.
Aw, those poor old women are likely schizotypal (if not, in fact, flagrantly psychotic) and are just doing their best to get along in a world they don't understand and where they don't fit in. They always make me a little sad. I'm glad they have pigeons to feed.
Would the pigeons feed them scones and tea?
Maybe feed the old lady to the pigeons? 'Tis a sourge of flying rats!
Scourge, I meant. Dammit.
Awwwww, secret agent woman made me feel bad about myself, and now I can't say anything nasty and smug about these birds feeding the birds.
Forgive my ignorance, mate, but what is a bollard? I'm assuming it's nothing like bollocks?
Well... I was going to say something really snappy until I read Blueviolet... now I'm laughing too hard.
I originally read your title as "The Delinquent Penguin," which creates an interesting image....
In an alternate universe, a flock of old grannies in support hose, swooping down on the stately monument and clinging to it while they crapped everywhere, is quite frightening. Frightening enough to give me nightmares. Thanks a lot, Mo.
Now I'm the one who needs a drink.
Considering the economy and my (eh-hem age), I may soon be among a flock of old ladies worshiping at the wing of a generous crow.
This post is exactly why I love you.
I agree. Old people give me the willies. Wait...no...
A flock of old ladies! AHHHHHH! LOL!
As someone up there said, pigeons are rats with wings. I can't stand them, they give me the creeps.
I am imagining a flock of old ladies, Monty Python-style, battling one another with canes and umbrellas over tossed birdseed.
i just realized, after 2 months, that i have had your new feed all messed up in my feed reader. i thought you hadnt written anything new since chrismas...
im a dick :( sorry.
The last two sentences were perfect to read before eating lunch.
*shudders*
Alfred Hitchcock advising you from beyond the grave or something?
"Novocaine for the soul"! You are such a poet Mo - love it (although I will have nightmares now imagining being pecked at by hundreds of pigeons -- or old ladies - thanks for that).
What will you think of next? I can't wait to find out. Meanwhile, I'll never look at a pidgeon the same way.
Um, pigeon. How'd that "d" sneak in up there?
Yikes! Now I've imagined myself as one of the old ladies begging birds to feed me. All I can say is "Watch out Helen... that crumb's mine!"
have you ever seen the pigeons in Venice Italy, Fat as horses and constipated as hell, thank God
LMFAO
Just laughed so hard, sorry to say
That image killed me a little bit
So would the pigeons feed the ladies with their beaks, like how birds feed their babies? Or would they use their feet and fly around releasing the scraps below? Uugghh it's gross to think of a universe ruled by pigeons. Their poop is bigger than their brains.
Okay, now tell me a story about squirrels!
Or feed on old ladies. I've known a few that were crumbly enough for a pigeon to digest.
i would eat from a pigeon.
Is it wrong that this post made me hungry?
Imagine the feast those winged rats would have enjoyed if the oul wan had ofered them up her eyes as an entrée?
I need to get out more...
Bravo man! Love your brain!
Ha! I love short posts that say loads. Brilliant.
I also hate pigeons, so this is just about perfect.
there was an annoying pigeon that used to harass me during my college years, making noises (as well as piles and piles of off-white-colored shit) on the stoop outside my bedroom window. my then-girlfriend and i named him earl, and i used to chase him away with a broom. no old ladies, though.
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