Someone, somewhere, is watching you
She materialised out of nowhere, catching me entirely off guard. Elderly neighbours are good at that. They spend many hours patiently watching from behind their net curtains, watching and waiting, pausing occasionally to adjust a doily or put the kettle on, but always alert, always listening, always ready to pounce. Just a second love, that chap Mo is busily occupied trying to pack up his car. I’m just popping out to startle him. Maybe I can get him to drop something.
Bejewelled, perfumed, plastered with make-up. Clunking great rings, her skin an unnatural orange. A walking perfumery, swirling clouds of fumes and powder surrounded her. I knew I should have kept that gas mask. With the recent transport disruptions due to volcanic ash she really should be more careful.
“Brother and sister?” she asked with a telling wink, glancing between my sister and I with pride and a sense of achievement. There was no time to respond. “I’ll be sad to see you leave, “ she said, “you and your little family. Your daughter is adorable, a darling. I’m sorry I haven’t introduced myself before.”
But this is what terrified me.
“For the last six months I’ve been watching you,” she said. I may never sleep again.
Comments
The watcher being watched?
And everyone thinks air pollution is from carbon emissions.
.-= ellen abbott´s last blog ..becoming ambidextrous =-.
Everyone is very wrong. And the watcher fears he is watched a great deal these days.
I'm thinking about it. Or maybe just bricking up our doors and windows.
Shudder? I didn't think anything could make YOU shudder!
Never? On this occasion I'll bet you (in all your ninja glory) would have met your match.
I'm glad I'm not the only one with a healthy, if slightly paranoid, fear of the elderly.
I swear they're out to get me, Mo!
A healthy fear of the elderly is advisable.
I have a creepy elderly watcher too. Although he wears see-through button-up shirts, pants belted under his pectorals, and hides under his carport on a stool and yells "HEY!!!!" super loud when I'm juggling groceries or luggage. I believe the honest stalker is way less creepy than orange lady.
P.S. The dream I was telling you about? Turns out it was prophetic. I just read about Bohemian Steve--that was the teeth. Ick, ick, and more ick.
"belted under his pectorals"
What a phrase. Nice to have you back in this neck of the woods!
.-= Mo´s last blog ..I’ve never seen a badger move so fast =-.
Well at least you won't think you were going crazy thinking someone was watching you...since someone really was! ;)
Loved the creative description of her - perfection! ;)
.-= Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)´s last blog ..Princess Nagger Didn’t Always Like Dinosaurs =-.
I always suspected it, now at least I can understand my supposed paranoia.
And as she was shuffling away, was she softly singing 'I see you when you're sleeping, I know if your awake, I know when you've been bad or good so ...'?
.-= Eric´s last blog ..My Bologna (Comune di Bologna) =-.
She was singing softly, but the perfume had destroyed my central nervous system so I couldn't make out the words.
Fantastic description. Very evocative.
.-= Rachel Cotterill´s last blog ..My Metric Imperial Mixture =-.
Aww thanks, I tried!
Mo I laughed out loud at this....how creepy. Your description of the Pigpen-like cloud of olifactory harassment is genius!
And? I have doilies. Good god I'm going to start spying on my neighbors...
.-= JenJen´s last blog ..Spanx Me =-.
The question is how many doilies do you have? Above the crucial threshold of 3?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JVhbusBDi4
.-= Tristan Robin´s last blog ..An All-New and Improved Blog Update! =-.
Oi, are you spamming me again? I'll check the link later!
"For the last six months I've been watching you", good job you're not in M15.
"I knew I should have kept that gas mask"? Explain.
Ironically though this is the best one - "
People watching is an art form. It requires dedication if not intoxication. You sir are a master craftsman, a black belt in voyeurism, a creator of merciless mirth. Stay out of my local, I’m concerned that you’d have yourself one hell of a field day". (Jimmy Bastard)
Looks like you've met your match.
.-= Rubbish´s last blog ..Who decides these things? =-.
Explain?
Put it this way. Whenever I've been out for a pint with you I wear a gas mask because you douse yourself in far too much Old Spice.
.-= Mo´s last blog ..Someone, somewhere, is watching you =-.
At least she was honest with you? Not like: "Watching? Who, me? Naaaahh..."
I feel wih you absolutely... :D
.-= Minka´s last blog ..A Special Day =-.
You're right, I should focus on the positives.
Better to be watched by oldsters that you can surely outrun, than a quick young pervy!
.-= Skylers Dad´s last blog ..So yeah, it's kind of like this =-.
LOL!
I have one of those old voyeurs in my neighborhood, too. Every neighborhood probably has one, the retired old sot with little else to do but police things.
Anyway, as I'm opening the garage door this morning, mine pulls up in the alley behind me and says, "Well, I'm glad to see you're working." HUH? It seems he's seen me at home during the week and, instead of assuming I was working from home, he assumed I'd been laid off.
It annoys me that he's so informed about my comings and goings but it's also nice to know he watches my house when I'm gone. Nah, I take that back. You're right; it's creepy.
There's potentially a third option. Maybe he assumed you had been lounging around in the back garden with a Bloody Mary...
...which we all know *might* have been the case...
I'll bet she's just the type to leave a neatly written note on your car extolling the virtues of tidying up the garden...
.-= Cactus Petunia´s last blog ..another camp cactus tradition =-.
Potentially. But if she had done, I'd have left a note on hers warning about the potential impact of perfume extravagance on the ozone layer.
.-= Mo´s last blog ..Someone, somewhere, is watching you =-.
That lady is watching you sleep, dude... Creepy. Hide your bunnies.
Also, the way it's written it looks like your sister and you have a kid. Which....is a little too "Flowers in the Attic" for me. :) You're welcome.
Note to self.
Even though Vegetable Assassin is one of your favourite readers, give each post an extra proof read to ensure no potential incest implications slip through.
"Just a second love, that chap Mo is busily occupied trying to pack up his car. I’m just popping out to startle him. Maybe I can get him to drop something." ~ I am almost certain, that had you looked, you would have found her husband in the window capturing the whole event on camera. A little project the two of them schemed up after noticing their power in scaring people. It's quite the hit at their dinner parties.
It's that "telling wink' that made my sister and I decide to start carrying glitter/confetti with us. Now whenever someone asks if we are twins, we will reward them with party like extravagance. Too bad we're 6 yrs apart.
.-= Harmony´s last blog ..Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder =-.
Why stop with glitter? From now on you should also carry a tambourine and a bottle of champers.
Gah! I used to have a neighbor like this. We called her Crazy Sarah Jane.
.-= secret agent woman´s last blog ..Weekend Notes. =-.
Crazy Sarah Jane is a good name for such a type. Was her name actually Sarah Jane?
.-= Mo´s last blog ..Someone, somewhere, is watching you =-.
Yes - so the nickname wasn't much of a stretch!
.-= secret agent woman´s last blog ..My USA? =-.
And perhaps that's the whole reason she didn't introduce herself to you. Tell the truth now, what were you doing that scared the old lady's mouth shut?
.-= Fragrant Liar´s last blog ..Wee Wisdom =-.
Must have been the gas masks.
Spooky! Nothing like an orange-skinned, jewelry-clanging snoop to make the hair on your neck stand up!
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Alaskan Black Cod with Hoisin and Ginger Sauces =-.
Too right. It was the orange skin that really got the neck hair standing.
You made it out just in time. She's sorry she didn't get to chop you up into little pieces and hide you in her freezer.
.-= Captain Dumbass´s last blog ..Cause Real Windows Aren't As Cool =-.
I wish I had consulted you earlier. This may have come as less of a shock.
.-= Mo´s last blog ..Someone, somewhere, is watching you =-.
Okay, now I'm creeped out! Thanks alot!
.-= CatLadyLarew´s last blog ..In Which I Am Abducted by Aliens =-.
The pleasure is all mine.
Oh man, I almost spilled my drink! How creepy!
.-= The Urban Cowboy´s last blog ..Asteroids Isn’t Just a Game Anymore =-.
Good grief, I never intended to interfere with your beverage.
someone once called me "Alice Kravitz". Sadly, I took that as a quasi compliment.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..No? No. No? No. =-.
I thought you WERE called Alice Kravitz. My mistake.
I just read your story on Otherworldly One and came over here to check out your stuff. Enjoying immensely! I am surrounded by nosy old people in my neighborhood, but they don't seem evil.
.-= beta dad´s last blog ..Moscow '79 Part II: Cosmos Hotel =-.
Perhaps they are cloaking their evil intentions with a mask of innocent inquisitiveness.
Thanks for stopping by buddy, off to check out your blog now.
.-= Mo´s last blog ..Someone, somewhere, is watching you =-.
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