Delinquent child of Frankenstein
The tussle-headed beast staggers towards me. Huge and clumsy, rigid and graceless, as uncoordinated as a drunken robot, more terrifying than a delinquent child of Frankenstein.
Its arms hang loose, muscular yet conspicuously useless, as if they are more accessory than functional appendage, the end-effectors limp and floppy, a pointless existence if you ask me.
Still, it carries on towards me, determined and decidedly furious. Unfortunately its legs still function, albeit awkwardly. It rocks about unsteadily, like a seasick granny on a sloping deck.
Lost? Drunk? Not at this time, surely not, and this is his home, there is no way he is lost. He’s closer now, dangerously close, heaving those floppy arms in my direction, making huge gyroscopic swings as he grunts and mutters evil nothings. And then the inevitable happens. I’m crushed by a great clunking fist, the fight is over.
It’s a tough life being an alarm clock. Looks like Mo slept funny. When I woke him up he had two “dead” arms.
Comments
I thought you were talking about a child too (more specifically yours)..but that all ended with you relentlessly referring to this person as "he"..I knew then it wasn't Bubba. An early morning peek into your world through the eyes of an alarm clock? Brilliant! Positively so.
I hate the mornings when I wake up and my body is positioned faced down resembling a chalk outline (as if I had fallen of a tall building).
.-= Harmony´s last blog ..Cause and Effect? =-.
Maybe you should actually draw a chalk outline at the start of the night and just lie in it. At least there would then be no disappointment. You'd know what to expect.
do you even HAVE those adverts over there? LOL
.-= Tristan Robin´s last blog ..A Spring Morning's Ramblings and Wanderings... =-.
I think we do, but not much of a TV guy...but I think I've seen the ones you're on about.
.-= Mo´s last blog ..Delinquent child of Frankenstein =-.
At first I thought it was going to be some child, but you didn't mention that the hands were coated in pudding, so then I figured not.
.-= Scope´s last blog ..Last Sunday (Not Yesterday) =-.
"some child"? Not even my child, just some random? Um. Well there was no pudding involved either unfortunately.
I think at least once it would be interesting if your arms and legs were simultaneously 'asleep' / gone floppy. Only then would one have a vague idea about what life would be like with no arms or legs.
Sometimes my brain goes floppy.
.-= Eric´s last blog ..Delayed Un-gratification =-.
Unfortunately now I have discovered what is like to have two arms "asleep" I have to say that it wasn't all it is made out to be. And damned difficult to turn off the alarm too.
Your alarm clock would be much happier as a cell phone with an alarm - one is not as disposed to abuse an expensive piece of electronics.
At least, not in my house. One can never be sure about Mo.
.-= Jan´s last blog ..Mexican Chorizo “Skillet” =-.
You're right. No cell phone is safe with me if it beeps, especially if it beeps to wake me.
... this is your body on drugs
.-= Tristan Robin´s last blog ..A Spring Morning's Ramblings and Wanderings... =-.
Ha! I don't believe a word of it. Who would believe that Mo "Mad Dog" Stoneskin would put his alarm clock out of reach on the other side of the room? Noooo, not me.
Damned good imagery none the less.
Alright mate, you've kinda got me there. In actual fact the alarm clock may have been my Crackberry, but it was still acting as an alarm clock, which is why it spoke as one...and it may have been across the room plugged in to the charger.
I've always said you were harmless! Why does your alarm clock move?
.-= Rubbish´s last blog ..Day two - Saturday - Newcastle - 21 hours of bad beats, bad karma, Bud and Bulmers. =-.
I've never heard you say that I was harmless. Back-biter.
Hahahaha! I recently had a similar problem when I woke up desperately needing to relieve myself and my right leg was numb. Swearing seems to help.
So you hopped to the bathroom? Or just dragged the leg? Hilarious.
I'm so glad that you got the feeling back in your arms so you could write about it so brilliantly. That happened to me once too on a business trip where I had requested a wake-up call and I had to push the receiver off with my nose (fortunately I have a big nose).
.-= Rochelle´s last blog ..I don't have a problem! =-.
It's not just the size of the nose though, it must take great skill to do that. Have you trained for such scenarios?
Well now you know how I feel ... but I only have ONE dead arm.
Unfortunately for me, it's permanent.
.-= Twenty Four At Heart´s last blog ..F*$&ing Diet Plateau! =-.
I know I know, and I now understand so much more!
Your guess is as good as mine. I don't know. I'm guessing I was somehow lying on both of them, but still, can't quite fathom how I managed that or why I managed to sleep in that state!
Well there was a brawl of some kind, but it was quite one-sided and I wasn't the one that ultimately lost...bwahaha.
Whenever a robot invades my thoughts I tend to panic and let off an EMP.
HaHA! Too funny! Where the hell do you keep your alarm clock man!? In America, we keep it right by the bed, so we can throw it out into the other room when it bothers us....
.-= Michel´s last blog ..You Should All be Pissed at Josh....Because I Totally Am!!! =-.
I did once wake up and find that the alarm clock had vanished. Found it down the side of the bed (against the wall) at the far end. I reckon I had flung it.
Ohhhh, if household objects could talk.... what would the toilet say?!
.-= Cora´s last blog ..Class. And Doilies. =-.
I suspect it would be very rude, or simply make flushing sounds.
Yeah, unfortunately babies have a knack of adopting the alarm clock role. Someone ought to change that.
Nearly so well? Better I suspect. I'd love to see the remains of your flung alarm clock.
The problem with relying on binmen is their irregularity. I've never had a dead head, don't tend to sleep on it, it's harder to breathe when I do that.
Reminded of the clock from 'Beauty and the Beast' for some reason. I am woken by the sounds of the binmen below, no need for an alarm clock. But I still have the dead arms. And head.
.-= Madame DeFarge´s last blog ..Great Bowels of Fire =-.
I'm just glad that you didn't write from the perspective of your loo. Heh.
.-= Cheri @ Blog This Mom!´s last blog ..What Else Not to Say =-.
Now THAT is a fabulous idea.
Hey, I've just thought of next week's post...
Eek!
.-= Marina´s last blog ..Home Alone =-.
Is there a mouse in the house? Nice to have you stop by under your pseudonym Marinka. I almost didn't recognise you.
I refuse to have one of those things in the house.
I meant the alarm clock, not the man. although sometimes I'm not too sure about the man.
.-= ellen abbott´s last blog ..father =-.
I suppose if you need some space you can banish them both.
Very sneaky. This was just so you could work in something about your muscular arms. Tsk tsk.
.-= Alyson´s last blog ..It turns out exercise is full of sexual innuendo. Which means it's right up my...alley. =-.
You're right. I've been waiting for this moment all my life.
LOL!
So you've got an alarm clock that can blog for you now too?
.-= Nikki-ann´s last blog ..Leo in a pram! =-.
It's taken me a while to train it. Alarm clocks are notoriously stubborn. Getting them to move past "ring ring" is an exhausting undertaking.
I love Mondays...I never know WHAT to expect from you!
That was pure genius, Mo.
.-= Cactus Petunia´s last blog ..knee deep in fairy shoes! =-.
One day you'll reach a point where you know what to expect, surely? You'll expect nonsense, I expect.
Is there such a thing as a good night's sleep over there?
.-= blueviolet´s last blog ..It Happened Because I Hate the Buzz =-.
What, in England? I've heard some people have experienced it but apparently only if you fill in the right forms.
That was awesome...for some reason as I was reading, Will Robinson's Robot from Lost in Space was invading my thoughts.
.-= The Urban Cowboy´s last blog ..The Smell of Green Grass =-.
good one! I was getting worried that you had been in a brawl of some kind! i like the perspective!!!
.-= Elise´s last blog ..The Mad Mole of Edge Hill =-.
How did you manage to sleep in such a way that you put BOTH arms to sleep?
.-= secret agent woman´s last blog ..My own life is a mystery to me. =-.
Oh good. It was your *arms* you were talking about.
.-= San Diego Momma´s last blog ..PROMPTuesday #107: Not Flying in the V Formation =-.
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