Whenever it snows I secretly look forward to seeing people slip over. Bwahahahahaha. Let me rephrase that. Whenever it snows I sometimes get pleasure out of seeing people slip over as long as nobody is hurt. I know, I know, my civilised instincts are unparalleled. It snowed heavily over the weekend. The town looked fantastic. It's always pretty, Harrogate that is, but a snowy Harrogate is a beautiful one. The Stray looked delightful, dark frames of trees contrasting sharply with a vast blanket of white. Such whiteness, it looked like a scene from Narnia. Everything was white. I even saw a chap wearing a white jacket, white hoody, white trousers and white trainers with white laces. He carried a white bag and was playing on a white Nintendo DS. Bit dangerous really, especially if the White Witch was in the vicinity. What if he fell in the snow and couldn’t get up? I’d have played on a red DS just in case. I walked through town on my way home. A man came out of a pub for a smoke. He smoked like a true Yorkshireman, back inside 30 seconds later after a relentless, aggressive sequence of double-puffs. Flat cap, blue, long grey hair, bedraggled, a face that said ‘bloody snow, bloody cold’. He was right. The bleakness was refreshing, the town picturesque, but it was bloody cold, far too cold, and I looked forward to getting home. As I passed the solicitors a suited gentleman stood shivering on the steps. Dark grey suit, dark red tie, dark black hair, another stark contrast against the snow. He wore shiny black brogues. Picked the wrong day to wear brogues mate, I thought. Balanced on the steps, clutching a salt-shaker, he shook it about with the delicate air of a man in brogues on snow on steps. Brogues notwithstanding it made perfect sense, the recession is bad enough without rich clients slipping on his steps and breaking bones. I hear a cry behind me. The solicitor is on his back at the foot of the steps, floundering about in the snow like a penguin in a toboggan accident. He clambered to his feet, brushed himself off and pretended nothing had happened. I paused and savored the moment, then headed home. Time to introduce Bubba Stoneskin to snow for the first time. She squirmed excitedly and pressed her little hands against the glass. “Milk?” she said.
The "sequel" to Perdido Street Station, one of my absolute favourites, and I'm enjoying it just as much, if not more so.
The worlds and races Mieville creates are simply superb. If you've not read this series and you like "weird fiction" then please crack on and get reading.
Comments
Mo
I have made my blog world famous by recounting my clumsy nature. I fall all the time.
My poor kids are doomed.
I too crack up like a kid whenever someone bites it.
People falling could be the greatest thing ever....people, not me.
Milk??? Your kid cracks me up.
Milk - that is so cute! My kids would love to get some milk falling outside. Fat chance.
The chap in wingtips falling over is funny. People in general falling over are funny. My mother took a terrible tumble a few years ago, but in trying to tell me about it later, she started to laugh, then I started to laugh, and pretty soon she couldn't even finish the story.
haha yes! Some of my favourite memories are watching friends slip up in the snow... just too good :)
Your description, the humor, and the baby's tenderness really got me. Good one.
This piece is beautiful! I love the description of the Puffy White Dude, the smoker, and the solicitor.
But the biggest smile came with "Milk?"
It took me a little while to figure out what 'slip over' meant. I'm running behind in the brains department today.
Elijah keeps saying 'No HoHo MEEEEE...Lijah NOOO HOHO MEEEEEEEE' while pointing at the snow. I think the 'NO' is 'SNOW'. So he's putting the snow together with santa claus? 'Milk' is just as cute though. Hope you guys had fun in the 'NO'.
It's those tiny pictures that I love. The chap dressed in white, the solicitor with a salt shaker. Like the storyboard to a film I long to see. Happy Christmas to you and yours.
Ahh, but be careful, my friend. I, too, occasionally indulged in a chuckle over someone slipping in the fresh-fallen snow.
Karma fixed me up with a fall of my own resulting in torn ligaments in my leg. Now, I don't laugh. Out loud.
I don't like to see people fall. Not because I'm all nice - it's because I'm afraid they'll get hurt and then I'll be obligated to help. I don't want to help. Milk - :)
Aww. I hope Bubba enjoyed her first venture into Narnia!
Oh, and I suspect that the man in all-white was actually some sort of chameleon. Had it been foggy, he'd be in all grey with a grey DS, for instance.
MIlk? was an easy question to get around, I guess. Just showed her that it wasn't milk, probably... right?
My colleague's daughter had a different misconception. Snow being rare in this part of our country and coming at about the same time as St. Nicholas, she assumed that as there is snow out there, there must also be presents.
Happy snow time, Bubba!
Snow always sounds so romantic in prose... Well, at least in your prose. I like to see in on TV, too. But, alas, I am a California weather weenie... Although, I have fallen on my hiney many a time, but that usually involved the aid of a horse.
Merry Christmas to you and yours...
Dude, that's not wrong...everyone enjoys seeing someone slip and fall - and they don't even need to be in the snow..it never gets old.
Your baby is adorable. It's very cold milk...and not so drinkey...decorative milk.
Don't drink yellow milk.
Watching people falling over on snow or ice is my favourite hobby. I am not a nice person. Last winter, I almost laughed myself hoarse at some lady doing an impressive little dance before landing on her ass, groceries all over the parking lot. I was still laughing when I helped her up. And thinking "Thank God that wasn't me!"
"Bubba Stoneskin?" sounds like she's primed for a life of crime.
Warden - "Jenny Davies, you're in cell 6, Mandy Evans, you're in cell 22, Debbie Dingle, You're in with Bubba Stoneskin".
Debbie Dingle - "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo".
Brilliantly written, and so cute at the end. Though I have to pull you up on the enjoying seeing people fall over thing.
I learnt yesterday that Converse and ice don’t make happy bedfellows. I didn't fall over, but I did do an almighty skid in front of a group of rather attractive ladies. I think I even made a girlie "Whoops!" noise.
They wanted me. All of them.
And you would have probably been laughing at me, wouldn't you Mo?
SCREW YOU MAN!
Oh... I love the end best! That is so funny and cute.
But I too love to see little innocent mishaps. I even giggle out loud. Ask my children... mommy always laughs when they crash. I can't help it. Now my daughter does it with her son.
Wonderful pics of life, as usual.
Bubba? You ARE MDiddy. Does your wife know you call her that?
And I had a bit of a giggle once when someone fell in what looked like a Triple Lindy on the icy sidewalk. And then in my giggly fit, I fell and just about broke my arse bone. No more mocking those who slip on ice for me.
You're a talented writer, my friend. I was in the story from word one.
"Milk? she said.
Great ending.
I just retold my story of a clumsy fall in Malibu, CA a few years ago on another blog (http://kasiewest.blogspot.com/2009/12/maddeningly-unhelpful-advice-death...), so I won't go through it again here. Suffice it to say, my wrist has never been the same.
Happy Milky Christmas to you and your family. ;-)
Basic human instinct of all. We auto crack up when someone slips. Loved this "floundering about in the snow like a penguin in a toboggan accident"
On the North Shore, when the waves are up, not so much that EVERYONE knows not to got in. Just up enough for freakishly large sets every ten minutes or so. Whenever I see a tourist go out between sets, I have a set on the beach to watch the wonder of them getting slammed back to shore.
We’ve only had a couple of centimetres here, but it is bloody cold.
And this morning I had the pleasure of seeing a bloke a few doors up reverse his shiny, expensive car out of his driveway into the road, then find he couldn’t get it back again: wheelspinning away until he had to give up and go and get some grit.
what an adorable moment there at the end...and i may chuckle once or twice, under my breath...with the ones that fall of course...
Do you live inside a snow globe?
Sounds pretty enough to be one, except for that smoker, and that falling down solicitor, which made me smile a lot, and if you do live in a snow globe, that would explain the milk comment.
It all makes sense now.
Merry Christmas Mo.
And to all the Stoneskins!
If I fell and you laughed at me, I would hunt you down!! LOL! That was cute with the milk comment!
Slippery, innit?
Cheers, Mo, to you and Bubba! (although the milk in my glass is more likely to come from the Paps of Jura) *clink*
Please, tell me you don't call your daughter "Bubba" to her face!!!
Somehow got over to old blog site and got caught up in jelly biting. Hilarious friggin story. Dang, I wish we had jellies over here.
I love this story! First of all, snow does look like milk. Your girl is a smart one.
Second, I always laugh when someone trips - especially when it is me (and it is usually me). I can just hear my mother saying, "Have a nice trip. See you next fall."
Oh. Was that you pointing and laughing at me as I landed on my back on the icy sidewalk in front of the Greek restaurant last year? Well...it was pretty funny.
Remember to tell "Bubba" not to eat the yellow milk.
One time, when I was a teen, my family spent Christmas at Lake Tahoe. It's the only time I've had a "milk" Christmas ... and one of the few times in my life I've even encountered snow. I'm sure if I had to walk in the stuff I'd amuse you to no end.
Falling is just funny. No doubt about it. I have fallen enough times to know it's only funny to people observing -- or recollecting.
Loved this little tale, Mo. You paint such beautiful pictures.
And Bubba. And milk. And, encore!
Was it so cold that the solicitors hands were in his own pockets!?
As long as nobody gets hurt it's all good.
It seems everyone across the pond or not got snow this weekend. We racked up 15.5 inches. I have one child who loves snow since he was born in Delaware and the other not so much since she was born in Taiwan. Me? I'm on my back on the driveway cursing the evils of winter and writhing in pain. So long as your not laughing, I'll say happy snow day.
Glad you got your chuckle and I'm sure it was well deserved...for both of you.
Milk? Sweet.
It's NOT milk? Dang.
Seasons to you and yours Mo.
Oh, I do wish you'd posted pictures! It sounds so beautiful. Would you upload some photos so we can see?
Hate it when that happens...when I fall, that is!
I laugh as well when someone falls as long as when they get up they haven't broken something
Oh God, I am the opposite, I HATE it when people fall! I feel so bad and totally awkward and uncomfortable. lol. Then I wonder if I should stop and help or act like I didn't see and it bugs me for the rest of the day.
Yes, I am a bit neurotic.
Here it's flooded roads. You see some poor bastard's car wheel-deep and think, "Serves you right, everyone knows this street gets flooded when it rains!"
And then the next time you're out in it, someone drives past you and sends up a tidal wave that drenches you from head to toe.
The solicitor is on his back at the foot of the steps, floundering about in the snow like a penguin in a toboggan accident.
brilliant, my friend. brilliant.
"I’d have played on a red DS just in case." ~ Made me literally, laugh out loud! It is always best to play it safe.
I wish it would milk here...awww Bubba Stoneskin is adorable!!!!
My little boy looked at the snowy weather through the window and said "Snowflakes are a bit like bubbles."
Kids are so poetic.
Not milk, Bubba, ice cream!
A merry, merry Christmas to all!
It's hard not too laugh, isn't it?! :D Mind you, I nearly landed on my backside the other day in the car park after work... It hadn't been salted and I ended up doing some kind of sliding dance (i.e. waving my arms about the place as my feet & legs did what they could to stay the right way up!).
Merry Christmas!
The whole description of a white town is awesome. Narnia? I would love to see that much of snow in one place. Sadly it's sunny all year long where I live :p
I secretly enjoy whenever people slip and fall too. I always try to hold back my laughter though :p
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